thom day is back

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“Oh… Oh… Oh!” You know what I’m talkin’ about. “Oh!”

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Due to technical difficulties beyond my control, today’s planned programming is unable to appear in this slot and will be on temporary hiatus. No loss to anyone really. Only I knew what it was supposed to be anyway. In it’s place, I created a rapidly thrown together Top 5 list for those who think they deserve the pleasure.

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Today’s Top Five Videos That Make The TD Chuckle

5. My Brother Was Optimistic It Could Be Done

I mean, I guess it would just be a guy who you know, grabs bananas and runs. Or, um, a banana that grabs things. I don’t know why. Why would a banana grab another banana? I mean, those are the kind of questions I don’t want to answer.

The TD concurs.

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4. The TD Wants To Be Clear As Well. Exactly What He Said.

Glee is back. Oh, you heard the TD correctly. Glee is back! The TD hasn’t watched it yet though. The TD has been saving it for a special occasion. You know what that means. In between the LXD and UFC videos, the gaps shall be filled. Speaking of which. How about that Rachel Berry? That’s one gap I wouldn’t mind filling. I mean the TD wouldn’t mind filling. Ah fuck it. The both of us.

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3. Macho Man Joe Rogan

The TD is watching WEC 48. It’s literally just minutes into the telecast. And Joe Rogan does this. If this isn’t the best inadvertent Macho Man ever, the TD doesn’t know what is.

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2. The Return Of Jean Ralphio. Flush With Laughs.

You can only go so long in life without a little Jean Ralphio. Good thing the TD is here to take care of all your needs. You can thank the TD later.

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1. I Would Totally Fork That Girl On The Left. If She Didn’t Have A Boyfriend, And I Was In Miami, I’d Go Right Over And…. Oh, Gotta Run! I Think My Trainer Is Calling Me. Something About A Beautiful Girl… I Mean Leg Kicks. Yeah, That Was It. Leg Kicks.

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We all knew that this day was coming. More LXD. I’ve had to make a pretty difficult decision here in choosing which video is to appear next. I’ve got the video from TED.com which is in depth and amazing. It gives some background on the LXD concept, some short features on a few of the dancers, and perhaps the most interesting group performance of the bunch. This video is over 15 minutes long however, and I wanted something shorter. So I’m opting to put two short videos up instead. These are both trailers for the upcoming LXD web series. Short, sweet, and spellbinding. Consider yourselves warned.

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Don’t even get me started on how ridiculously bomb this concept is. I was all ready to start spreading some website love toward Jon M. Chu before I had even discovered his latest creation. Then this popped on my radar screen. Fucking forget it. Game over. Don’t even bother with what you think you thought you knew about dance. Until UFC 113, you can rest assured that the normal slot set aside for MMA chatter, will be shifting over to Jon M. Chu, the ACDC, and the LXD.

This is the performance they dropped at the Oscars. The entire section they do for Fantastic Mr. Fox is bonkers. How you gonna krump to some Alexandre DeSplat? You’re not. The LXD is. Unreal. I just watched the trailer online for what I thought was the LXD movie, and could not have been more pumped. Then I found out this is all going to play out online. Now I’m even more pumped. This whole ‘Internet’ thing is really starting to get a head of steam in my eyes. I would have paid serious cash to see this in the theatre. I mean shit, I paid $30 to go see Avatar in 3-D. Of course that was on the world’s largest IMAX screen. Not bragging or anything, just saying. But for free online. Damn. I’m impressed. If I happen to bump into Jon M. Chu before I leave Thailand, and he’s all ‘Hey, can I borrow a 1000 baht?’, I’ve got my reply already in the can. It goes something like this: I say with an air of shock and awe, ‘No’.  I pause for about a second and a half and follow with a whisper-soft ‘You can have it’. Next thing I know, I’m cast in Step Up 4 as the underdog who can’t dance, but gives it his all for his dream, and with the help and support of some of the world’s top dancers…  still ends up sucking pretty badly. There is a brief debate amongst the dancers about whether or not he actually got noticeably worse. Critics of the film state the acting itself seemed stunted and lacked imagination. Even for a character in a dance film sequel. Friends and family offer many kind words and encouragement but you can tell. You can tell.

An Ancient Muay Thai Ritual Performed Solely For My Niece To Make Fun Of With Her Friends

I was getting ready earlier today for a mid-afternoon workout. My Sunday tradition is to walk to the Jatujak Night Market so my usual early evening workout had to be pushed up to the hottest part of the day. In anticipation of the complete energy drain that would coincide with my quick outdoor session, I did some light strength work at the beginning of my workout. I decided to follow that up with a full body warmup to get the body a little heated up before heading out directly into the sun’s corona. I decided to take a video so everybody at home can have a chance at seeing what hard work looks like. Bet.

In honor of what I can only hope will happen repeatedly to Doug Crosby’s face, I present:

The Top Ten Punches Of All Time

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Number 10:
The Ultimate Fighter Season 8 : Tom Lawlor’s fist vs. Dave Kaplan’s chin.

Dave Kaplan gets super drunk. He goes on and on about how he’s never been knocked out, and cannot be knocked out. Hilarity ensues.

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Number 09:
Hawaiian Punch

Hawaiian Punch was super delicious as a kid. Not really sure how it holds up nowadays. I imagine too sweet. Just like me. Bam. Upon second thought, was it even delicious when I was a kid? Now I’m questioning this as a viable choice. Too late. It’s only number 9 anyway.

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Number 08:
Kickpuncher: The amazingly awesome B-movie character from Community.

Kickpuncher is incredible. In this tribute piece performed by Troy and Abed, he can be seen in all his splendid glory.

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‘My punches were only as strong as my punches… And then, things changed.’

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Number 07:
People Getting Punched Just Before Eating

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Number 06:
Officer Francis “Ponch” Poncherello

Officer Ponch had that California Highway on lockdown. This picture says it all. The wig, the glasses, the catchphrase. Brilliant.

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Number 05:
Mike Tyson Shadowboxing

Holy shit. This dude was crazy fast. Seriously, throw some combinations and see how quickly you can do it. Should you even call it shadowboxing if the punches go faster than the speed of light? Does that joke even make sense? It does to me.

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Number 04:
The Best Thing Ever Shown On Hard Copy

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Number 03:
Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out

One of the best video games of all time. Bald Bull. Don Flamenco with the rose in his mouth. King Hippo’s belly. Soda Popinski. What more can you say? Little Mac jogging along after Doc Louis with the New York City skyline smoothly gliding by in the background. Truly iconic. This game stands the test of time with ease. It’s right up there with other classic sports titles such as American Gladiators (NES), Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball (SNES), and of course, Nickelodeon’s GUTS (SNES). Furthering Punch-Out’s tremendous legacy is the highly entertaining version for the Nintendo Wii. I mean c’mon now, what other boxing franchise can introduce a fabulously gay black pugilist as a character, and cleverly package him as the Disco Kid? Eat shit Fight Night.

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Number 02:
Judd Nelson Uppercuts Teen Angst Into Oblivion

What can I possibly add to such a perfect moment. Nothing. So I’ll let my man Denny Green handle it for me. Denny, your thoughts on The Breakfast Club? “They are, who we thought they were!”

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Number 01:
Hey! Quit Kicking That Sand In Our Faces

If you can’t relate to these vintage body building ads, then oooohhhh, good for you. However, like most of us former skinny wimps, these ads embody the ultimate dream. Getting big muscles, punching the bully right in his portrait, then going around the beach and kicking sand all over the other still skinny wimps. These are a great litmus test for how much you’ve grown in life. In my younger days, I always thought the bully was a big jerk. But now, I find him a much more likable character than the skinny scarecrow boy. I mean, listen to this awesome line. “I’d smash your face. Only you’re so skinny, you might dry up and blow away.” Pwned! And what’s that girl doing with Mac/Joe in the first place? She’s a bit of a looker. Better question: What the hell is skinny still doing with her once he gets all buffed up? First off, she called him ‘little boy’. Second off, you’re in the Majors now son. You’re still stuck back in Double-A ball with that chick. You don’t get called up to the Big Show and bring Crash Davis along to be your catcher. That just isn’t how it works. If I could draw, I’d draw one extra panel on there where another big dude shows up, and still kicks sand right in Joe Mac’s kisser.

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