A Series Of Open Letters To The Gay Dudes Of Sydney
Dear Gay Dudes of Sydney,
What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck? Can you guys cool out a bit. Is it necessary for such a massive percentage of your population to be in such phenomenal shape? Firstly, let’s say half of the women in the area who see me assume that I am gay, which is a likely estimate. Not only are they assuming that I am gay, they’re now assuming that I’m on the bottom rung of the Sydney gay ladder. You guys are nearly all super buff, not to mention well dressed, leaving me rocking twink status. And I’m not talking about World of Warcraft. Then there’s the issue of the other half of the female demographic. Like I really need you guys cruising around town reminding locals and backpackers alike, what the male body is capable of. Hey GDOS, ever hear of body fat? I’m not well versed on local job opportunities, but I’m solidly convinced that there appears to be an occupation that only you guys are aware of that consists of the following: waking up, drinking a protein shake, getting a facial, a biweekly haircut, a visit to the tailor, four hours at the gym, three hours shopping for the latest fashion, two more hours at the gym, a Zumba class, dinner with other GDOS accompanied by hot women at a ratio of approximately 2 GDOS to 1.5 hot women, one hour of dancing with the dual purpose of fun/cardiovascular improvement, a mud bath, an episode of Ugly Betty, then off to bed on a super plush mattress with sheets of some insanely high thread count. And the smell of lavender. Clearly this job pays quite well. No wonder you keep it a secret. Well done, Gay Dudes of Sydney, for because of you and your extremely vertical walking stances, I strive to keep my feet on the ground, and reach for the stars.
-thom day
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Dear Gay Dude Who Looked A Lot Like A Smaller Daniel Craig,
Hey, you were walking by Hungry Jacks near Oxford Square, it wasn’t that warm out but for some reason you had no shirt on. You were clearly gay. Has anyone ever told you that you look a lot like a smaller Daniel Craig? That must work out quite nicely for you.
-thom a.k.a. Lanky Gerard Butler
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Dear Other Gay Dude Near Hungry Jacks Who Also Had No Shirt On,
How often do you work out your abs? Jesus. I couldn’t help but ask myself how many Muay Thai kicks I would need in about four months to utterly destroy your midsection. It seemed like a great litmus test. Perhaps I will bump into you again. With my shins. On a more serious note though, when they need to clean washboards, do they rub them on your abs? It would make sense. Enjoy your core.
-thom a.k.a. Ab-raham Lincoln
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January 7th, 2010 at 6:56 AM
One question, how do you know their sheets smell like lavender? No judgements, just asking.
January 7th, 2010 at 10:42 AM
guy looks hairy and soft so it’s not like home where everyone has a beer belly
January 7th, 2010 at 12:58 PM
I enjoyed this post, very funny Thom!
January 7th, 2010 at 5:23 PM
Hilarious….thanks for that; needed it today.
January 7th, 2010 at 5:53 PM
Aw, you’re not THAT bad, Thom…lol!
Anyway, just because the GDOS are ripped doesn’t mean anything…for starters, they’re gay and therefore off the market, and not all girls are into big, buff guys…I don’t find the Hulk to be an attractive prospect for breeding offspring, plus I prefer not having to worry that he’s going to break my ribs every time he hugs me. 
Cheer up, a few months in Thailand and you’ll be kicking their gay butts in the fitness stakes!
January 7th, 2010 at 6:29 PM
Super duper super duper duper super super duper terrifically, fantastically, incredibly, bombastically, earth shatteringly, heart breakingly, homo-boner inducingly gay. The only thing gayer than the GDOS is your series of open letters to them. No, the only thing gayer than the GDOS is a world in which men who have no interest in them could bang every moderately well coiffed metro-man’s girlfriends if they wanted to. Well done GDOS. Thommy, how do you feel about women with very defined abs? Is it hot or mannish? I go back and forth.
January 7th, 2010 at 9:29 PM
So Gay!
January 9th, 2010 at 8:47 AM
Tell me Thom – are you hanging out near Oxford Street ??
January 14th, 2010 at 2:03 AM
hahahah enjoy your core,i def enjoyed reading this one it made me laugh, and even better wasn’t too long! u know how i dont do well with those:)